THE REAL NAMES OF PERSON’S OTHER THAN MYSELF HAS BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THEIR IDENTIFICATIONS
I am but one of the living witnesses of Yah's protection. There is a saying, "Yah takes care of fools and babies", and it is indeed true. Hmmm, where should I begin?
There were two special things about my birth. One, I wasn't born alone. I have a twin sister, who's just 5 minutes younger than I; and two, if it hadn't been for Yah, I wouldn't have made it at all.
Mama locked herself in the bathroom, leaving herself alone with what I now know as evil spirits. They persuaded her to begin shooting drugs into her impregnated body. Noticing she was in there a little longer than she should have, my Aunt kicked in the door. After noticing what she was doing she realized she couldn't go to work and leave mama home alone. So she took her to the hospital. And there she stayed until May 26, 1987, when we were born.
Childhood began in the system. I spent the first years of my life in the foster care system until finally they sought fit to return me to my mom; which continued my stay inside the system, better known as Chicago's south side Robert Taylor projects. Mom had her own apartment now in the project building, but nothing had changed. She was still using and I could remember being home alone with my two other siblings, referred to in this story as twin and Brother. We have another sister too, now referred to in this story as Sister, but we didn't really know her. She would come around every holiday or whatnot, but she lived with her "god mother". Now, she was my mother’s child, mama actually gave birth to her, but she didn't live with us.
But getting back to my original point, most times we were home alone. I remember I used to sit on the couch and rock back and forth until mama came home. Those demons were so strong, that sometimes she came home with men, and traded sexual favors with them for drugs in front of us. I remember sitting on the couch in the living room watching as she sucked a man down in the open kitchen. I'm telling you, when demons take a hold of you, you’re not the person you were before. People have to understand, demons can make you do anything they want you to do, if not put in their place immediately by rebuking them in the name of Yah, through the MessiYah Yahoshua. But if you don't know Yah and Yahoshua, how can you rebuke those evil spirits? The project building themselves was a home for demons. No human being deserves to live under the conditions that existed within the project building. We literally lived in filth. Rats and roaches were abundant and violence prevailed. I remember being escorted home from school during a gang war. Bullets literally flying over our heads. So, in the summer of 1996, when my Aunt came over and said we were moving out the projects, we were ecstatic.
THE CAR ACCIDENT
Life is funny, one minute I'm outside playing with my friends and the next I'm rolling off the top of a car.
The ice cream truck sang down the street as we made it in front of the house. Remembering I had money I said, ‘hold my stuff Twin I'm bout to go get some ice cream right quick.' 'No c'mon, mama said to come in the house”, complained Twin. 'Ok I'm coming!' I yelled.
While running across the street I looked both ways. But I must have been too late because the white car to my right sped right along dragging my tiny body along with it. I was told that I flew in the air and landed on top the hood of this stranger’s car. But all I remember is rolling from the top of the car, sliding down the window, and unto the ground. I don't remember hearing any screams, any cries, and not even the ice cream truck songs playing in the background, although I was told this all took place. I lay on the ground surrounded by silence and I felt no pain. It's as if my body went into shock. (But I now know that was Yah protecting me.) Then out of no where my ears opened up and I heard voices saying to pick me up. As my eyes followed the man approaching me, my brain screamed 'No! No, don't pick me up! I want to lay here!' But my mouth didn't move as it felt like my heart had stopped and I couldn't breathe when the man picked me up. I literally could not breathe when he lifted me off the ground. Feeling cold and damp in what turned out to be grass I was now laying in, my heart got to pumping blood and I could breathe again. This is when I felt a sharp piercing pain in my right leg. I looked and for the first time I saw a thigh blown up twice the size of mine. 'No, I thought. This thigh couldn't be mine!' But it was brown like mine and as I connected the pain realized, 'This thigh is mine!' As I turned to my left, a lady (the one who hit me) was squeezing my hand pleading about how sorry she was. All my feeling had come back so I felt how hard she was squeezing and how sorry she really was! Too afraid of death to cry, with no tears in my eyes I silently prayed, (being ten years old and not knowing Yah at the time) I said, 'Lord please don't let me die, please don't let me die!' I recited this over and over in my head as I looked at this huge crowd of people.
When I awoke from my surgery, I was in a more comfortable room with a hospital gown on. From a little above my knee to the end of my thigh was staples. As tears welled in my eyes I counted, twenty-four. Twenty-four staples lay holding my skin together. I went home on a walker. And I'll never forget that because people have died from being hit by cars. I was very small then, I was the skinniest little girl ever. That car could have cracked me in half, had it not been for Yah.
DADDY IS SICK
My paternal Sister came to visit from Mississippi. And when she went back, twin and I went with. It was a great vacation. Except for one thing. Couple weeks later, we got a phone call.
July 28, 2000, daddy dies of cancer. We went back to Chicago on the Grey hound bus. To this day I don't know what kind of cancer he had. But it wasn't just cancer. I remember laying in bed at home, before we went to Mississippi. And the ambulance had to come get him. They asked step-mama, what was wrong. She said Cancer. They said anything else. She said, "Let's go out in the hallway, away from the kids." (lol, she knew I was awake.)
August 28th was the funeral. I remember sitting in the limousine upset with everybody in there except my twin sister, and my dad's son, my brother. Because all everyone else talked about was who his things would go to. Who'd have his car, and his clothes, and his this, and his that! Even Step-mama was in the conversation. I was disgusted! For some reason, everybody thought he had money stashed away, which would of course go to us. But that man ain't have nothing but debt! It's like that song by the temptations; all he left us was a loan! (LOL) But everyone thought otherwise.
So the family began to play tug-a-war with the twins. Everybody wanted us to stay with them now. No one was innocent. Even granny was in on it. They may not admit it now, but like I said, I knew almost everything that went on around me. Even before daddy died, my older sister, his very own daughter, was calling around while we were in Mississippi, trying to enroll us in a school down there! I wish I could say that it was because she knew daddy was going to die, and wanted to take care of us and maybe that was the reason, but I have a hard time believing that was the case. They were a little too Geeked that day on the ride to his funeral. And be the main one's falling all out. Stop it! Please spare me the dramatics!
About a week after the funeral, two very familiar people woke me up out of my sleep. The first was my mom. Out of nowhere she was back. And she looked great! The other person was my Aunt. As it turns out, she had been clean for about 6 months now. She looked so good. But they were there to take us away from step-mama. And since her and daddy wasn't legally married, there was nothing she could do. That was a sad moment. We all cried.
With all this anger still stored in my heart, I would lash out. My mouth was as unclean as swine. The scripture that reads "Honor thy mother and father"; I really take to heart now, because I was not that person. I was very disrespectful when it came to my mouth. I eventually ran away from home for the second time. After the police brought me back, I never did it again. All because I saw the look of sadness on mom's face.
GROW UP FAST!
I had to grow up real quick. I had to go down to the social security office, and become both my mom, and my brother's payee. That means, the checks would no longer come in my Aunt's name, but in mine. And when they did, I had to cash both checks. Separate the rent, gas, lights, and phone bill money. Make sure everything got paid on time. And give my mom what was left to spend on her. Same with my brother. Only this time he had a lot more to spend to himself because Auntie would usually take his money and spend it on cigarettes and drinks. And since I didn't do either, he got a chance to enjoy what was rightfully his. I also had to shop. Eventually my hair began to come out from stress. I would often envy the girls I saw coming to class with cell phones and the hottest clothes, bragging about their jobs. I disliked them because they had no responsibility whatsoever. I was jealous because they were able to be young and have a “life”. Their mothers had good paying jobs so they took care of them, not the other way around. I hoped it would all end soon, and I could be the young worry free teenager I never got a chance to be, but the next set of events proved it would not.
Auntie had died. She had a heart attack while taking a shower. It got extra hard after that because you had the jealous adults who would say that I was spending my mother’s money. People came over to the house and did whatever it is they wanted to do. And I couldn't control the chaos. Who was listening to a nineteen year old girl?
The end of the semester was vastly approaching and although I was not ready to plunge head first into another relationship, I was afraid I'll never see this man again. So when Moshe, wrote me a little note, (because we always wrote each other little notes in class, back and forth), telling me he would love to be in a relationship with me, I happily accepted what I knew was the beginning of something very special. This was going to be a different experience because he also had two daughters. And I had never dated anyone with children before. It always ended badly I heard because of the mother of that child. But I look back on my experience with a step mom, and how she loved us, despite our mother's flaws. When I look back on her discipline, her strength, I think about how strong I can be with these girls; and how I can make a difference in their life. Especially since their moms are rebellious to Yah's truth. But I can show them how to be a woman, teach them that a real woman is a woman of Yah and that a real woman puts Yah first. Then they'll have that balance, because Moshe can teach them what it means to be a real man. That it doesn’t have anything to do with his pocketbook, but how strong he is in Yah. So when they choose their husbands, they know what to look for in a man.
So I took a risk, I trusted us. And it turned out to be something very positive in my life.
GETTING TO KNOW YAH...
During our relationship Moshe would often mention Yah as our creator and something about Hebrew Israelites. But being stiff necked, I didn't really pay it a mind. I didn't believe in believing in something because someone else did. And so, I continued to live my life according to how I always have. When thanksgiving rolled around I happily accepted the invitation to my family's thanksgiving party. And when Christ-mess rolled around I happily went to my sisters’ house to celebrate. But my conscious was eating away at me. I knew this was not right because I'd been told it was not right. But still, I was rebellious. Until, one day, on Moshe’s old computer he gave to me, I was sitting at home, when I was still staying with my mom, and I seen something very interesting. Saved to the computer was a document entitled, Christ-Mess, from a website hebrewisraelites.org.
And when I read that, Yah had opened my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was reading about Christmas. So I went to the website from where it came. And I read the message to Christians, the message to Muslims, the message to Black Nationalist, Afro-centrics and I read and I read and I read, and I couldn't believe it. I was so excited at this knowledge I had run across, so I ran and told my family. They were not impressed. And because I didn't understand Yah at that moment, I remember not understanding how they couldn't see what I had seen. It was as if they weren't reading the same words I was reading.
And I remember being so shocked because I'm like look! Don't you guys see what this says? Aren't you reading it? How can you not understand it? So I went back and I downloaded some words of the week to a flash drive so I can put it on my computer which does not have the internet. I remember all I did was listen to the words of the week and read the info on the website. I mean I was hooked, like good dope.
I remember when I first announced I wasn't celebrating holidays anymore. It began with Christ-mess. New Years was approaching and they were taking down the tree. I stood there looking at it. Kinda like investigating it. Then thinking back on what the document said about it. I was like, well, I'm not celebrating Christmas anymore. At first I just said Christmas to see what they were gonna say. They looked at me, and had the nerve, to smack they lips and say, "how you not gone celebrate Christmas, all these kids we got." What went through their minds, was the fact that Moshe didn't celebrate holidays, so they thought that's why I didn't either. I was hurt. I never celebrated holidays again. I didn't care that they thought, or still do think I'm not doing it for myself. All that mattered to me was my salvation, and my life, and my being after this life is over.
I didn't want to tell them about my walk anymore. Instead I decided to lead by example. Who would take anyone seriously if they didn't practice what they preached?
Every since that day, I have not celebrated one holiday including birthdays. On my 21st birthday, I got on my knees and I praised Yah for allowing me to see another year. When you know better you have to do better. You find out your favorite food has poison in it, are you gonna still eat it? Or are you going to educate yourself on it and stop? I've gotten distant from my family since then. Yah has definitely protected me from a lot of things. I am truly blessed to have come into this walk when I did.
Yah pulled me out of the fire before I got burned. I've never smoked weed or cigarettes, after seeing my mom, I was always afraid to smoke anything. I told my self that because of her addiction, I didn't want to smoke at all. Never been much of a drinker. I've never been to a club, never got any tattoos, and I never got a chance to vote. I was always too young to do any of these things, and when I finally got of age, Yah had already pulled me from the flames. So all I have left to say is halleluYah, praise you Yah!
And if I die today, or tomorrow, I won't be afraid. Because I know I have lived my life according to what thus says Yah, and not what thus says man. No matter what my stiff necked genetic family may have said, because they've said some hurtful things, and no matter what they are saying, I know I have believed in Yah, through the messiYah Yahoshua to the very best of my ability. I have changed my life for Yah's truth. My entire world revolves around this. I put my life on the line for it. My whole existence is built on my relationship with the most high, and I'll die for it. I have never been so happy in all my life. My anger is gone, and I have a family, a real Hebrew family. And before I go back to my past lifestyle, I'll die. I'll die before I turn my back on Yah, and the messiYah Yahoshua. For my life shall be given back to me because of it.
AND THAT IS THE END OF MY TESTIMONY, SHALOM.