This is my testimony on how Father Yah has always been in my life even though I didn't realize this through all the trials and mishaps in my life that I've gone through. He has always been here for all us and his children out there that do not know this. Anyway here is my testimony and life story.
My family's background when I was a child was that of Baptist decent. My mother would send myself, brothers and sister to sunday school on sundays and to church afterwards. This continued on up until I was in High School. I followed in this footstep after I had my children when I was married. I sent my children to sunday school and to church - matter of fact the same baptist church that I attended up until I was in High School. But looking back, I can't seem to recall what I learned from going to this Christian Baptist aspect of religion and teaching. I know the commandments but as far as biblical stories, the meanings, and knowing who the children of Ysrayl are, I can say now I really didn't learn anything. I thank Father Yah for directing me and guiding me to Obadiyah as my teacher and the Children of Ysrayl whose eyes have been awakened to teach me what I need to know , who I am, and what Father Yah requires me to do, the woman he always wanted me to be, to place the torah upon my heart, and bring his word to the blinded Children of Ysrayl and to the world.
When I was a teenager I went through alot of pain in my life. I did not know what it meant to be a virgin and the consequences(result) of sex until I was 14 and after things happened in my life. You can say my mother kinda sheltered me. I was the baby girl in my family. In my family the friends we had had to visit us at our house while our parents were at home and the only time I could visit them was in the same aspect - their parents had to be at home. My mother never told me about the birds and the bees so to speak until it was too late. My father was mostly out on the road working in the business he had. I had a boyfriend who was over the age of 18 (19 to be exact) and didn't realize because I was uneducated about the results of sex, that his own agenda was to be my first. Well after the act happened I was informed by his cousins who were two sisters that I went to school with that that was his agenda. Now the act happened at these two girl's home and their cousin was staying with them at the time for the summer. They were being raised by their single mother who basically let them do what they wanted even though she was at home. So this act happened upstairs at their house under their mother's nose. Looking back I see the reason for the tight knit my parents had on us on knowing where we were at all times. I found myself a couple of months later with a growing stomach and realized that I was pregnant. I tried to hide it from my parents but they realized it and I told them I thought I was pregnant. She explained things to me and I remember crying in my mothers arms. The decision was made by my parents for me to have an abortion. A little later on in high school I had my first love and high school sweetheart. At the same time, my father moved us up to Houston and so me and my high school sweetheart kept in communication with each other by pay phone and by writing to each other. Several years went by and we sorta broke off from each other. My mother and father knew my high school sweetheart's parents because they all went to high school together. At this time I was 17 years old going on 18 and was in my last year of high school. He called me one day and told me he and his mother were coming up to Houston to visit his mother's sister who lived up there. I asked my mother if he could come by and she said it was ok plus she wanted to see how her old friend from high school was doing. They came by, my mother and his mother reminisced on old times. My mother had to go to work so I asked if I could go with them to his mother's sister's house. My mother and his mother agreed as long as we were chaperoned by her. Later that evening she asked if we would go get everybody something to eat. She gave him the keys to the car and told us to go up the street to a specific place she stated to get the food. I did not know at the time he already had it planned on where he was going to take me if he ever had the chance to get out of his mother's watchful eyes. Well he drove to a dark street and pulled over and I asked him what he was doing. At that moment I was overpowered and you can guess the rest. Afterwards he threatened to hit me if I ever said a word to his mother when we returned. When we returned she kinda new something was wrong but I never said a word figuring it was just a moment and one time and hopefully nothing would come of it. Well that one moment was more than enough and I again found myself pregnant again and tried to hide this from my parents as long as I could. I had no idea on what I was going to do and how I was going to tell them. I felt ashamed even though it was not of my doing. When I did they didn't believe me and told me it took two to tangle even though I told them what had happened. Later I learned that this young man's mother knew he had a high libido and had also got several other girls pregnant. I do not think the other young girls had their babies or carried to full term. His mother also denied him being the father stating that it could be somebody else's based on the fact that we were in two different cities. But she did also state she knew something had occurred that night the way my behavior was when we returned. All communications between both our families ceased and I was left with the results of his actions. Once again I had to have an abortion, but this time the doctor told me and my mother that I would never carry a child to full term anyway because my pelvic was too small and not strong enough to carry a child. Looking back at all this I now know and understand, and am a witness to the scriptures when it says those women whose wombs are unbarren can only be opened by father yah. I now have two wonderful children that replaced those two taken from me. I was in the hospital for a week with my first son after his birth with complications and with my daughter I had to take off work a couple months before my due date to prevent me from dialating and going into labor early. But they are here and Father Yah was there with me even though I was blinded by not knowing his true name and his son's name Yahoshua, and what purpose he had for me. Halleluyah for him blessing me with them. I am also happy to say that with my children I developed a more better communication with them then my mother did with me,my brothers and sisters. I did, however, follow the same footsteps as my parents and kept a tight knit on my children by knowing where they were at all times and who their friends were. I believe it was because of my mothers upbringing and the time she grew up in is the reason she was not so communicatable to us about the nature of procreation. I am happy to say that neither of my children got into situations like me especially my daughter. She is now in college and vows to stay a virgin and not to have children until after she is married. My son is in the navy but doesn't have any children either. By being in the navy he is seeing how the family is broken down by lots of things in this world and wants to not have that type of broken family.
After the abortion in high school and after I graduated, I started to keep to myself and went into a stage of recluse. I stayed in my room most of the time and just prayed to the father (didn't know his name at that time) to take away my pain that I had and for the actions and decision I made. Let me explain to you the pain I had. Knowing this was my recent high school sweetheart's and my child and feeling this child grow within me, feel its movement, and then have to make the decision to not have it. And on top of that find out I was not going to be able to carry a child to full term anyway! Also the fact that this was abortion number two. That was painful and also the knowledge of knowing a life was ended by a decision. A decision the child had no say on. I was like this for about a year and prayed to the father for forgiveness. My mother would often ask me if I needed to go talk to anyone about it and was I going to be ok. I told her I would be. After about a year of staying to myself and praying, I felt this lifting of my pain from upon me and I knew the father had forgiving me for the things that happened in my life. You know I never ever prayed to the father in the name of jesus. That never seemed right to me, I always knew when I prayed to the father he would hear me. I applied for and enrolled in college the following spring. At the same time my mother and father who were married for 22 years were not getting along, were in the process of getting a divorce. My mother and us kids moved back to the city where we were born after the divorce, which is the city I reside in now. I transfered to a college here. A couple of months later I met the man that I would marry.
I met my husband on a city bus, we used to walk the same direction home. We started dating and within 3 months we eloped secretly and got married. BIG MISTAKE! Looking back at my marriage I've learned to get to know the person you are dating and courting over a period of time. You will see the reason for me saying this. Well after about a month or two I found myself pregnant! I immediately went to the doctor and constantly set up monthly visits. As the months went by I prayed I would not miscarry. I had to put on more pounds with my skinny small frame and small pelvic in order to carry my son. I ended up gaining 80 lbs in order to healthily fully carry my son. I was in delivery with my son for about 1 day and after I had him, since my pelvic was still small, when he was birthed out, he moved my bladder out of place and I had to stay in the hospital for over a week until it was put back in place and I got back the muscles of me being able to urinate. To this day I do not have that tingling sensation most get when they have to go urinate. I have a pressure in my side when my bladder is at its fullest to let me know its time to empty my bladder. After my son I had several miscarriages which confirmed to me that my son was a blessing. I had one miscarriage at two months, then another at 5 months in which she was born and I cried in the hospital as they brought her to me to hold stating there was nothing they could do to save her. I held her in my arms until she passed away. There was no explanation why she came early, just that there as a tear in the sac in my womb that was carrying her. I often think about her and tell myself that she probably could of been saved but it was probably because I was a hebrew that not much effort was made. Also as I will tell you details about my marriage, I sometimes wonder if she sensed the abuse I was going through and just didn't want to come into this world with that going on with me. Three years after the birth of my son, I was pregnant with my daughter. As the months went by it seemed as if I would carry her longer, but a couple of months before my due date, I was told to get off my feet, not work, and to stay at home and lay down and put my feet up. I had to do this so that I would not dialate and go into labor early. I did so and my daughter was carried to full term. My second blessing!
About a couple of months after we were married, I started seeing things in my husband that I did not notice while we were dating and courting. He hid alot of his abusive characteristics until after we were married. He started accusing me of cheating on him with neighbors and his friends. People I didn't even have acquaintances with or knew at all. He started keeping tight knits on where I was, timing how long he thought it should take me to go places and do certain tasks, go to work, and return back home. My routine with him during my marriage consisted of going to work or wherever I needed to go and immediately returning back home. When I went grocery shopping I went late at night after hours so it would not take me long to shop with no busy crowd of shoppers. He also kept me in recluse away from my family. He would call me lots of verbal abusive names to my face and would often on occasions strike me but just enough not to leave a bruise and be noticed. He knew what he was doing. I found out that his mother died when he was 14 years of age and he really didn't have a positive female role model in his life. He was raised after his mother died by his sister. Most of his brothers and sisters , a total of 10 were split up among other family members and didn't really see each other often because of it. They would often argue when they did come together during our marriage on whose life was better than the other. The experiences my ex-husband had with women were not very good. Lots of the women he dated were kiniving, whorish, and even plotted on getting pregnant. He did have one child he had before we met he often sent money to. So based on these experiences he considered all women to be "snakes", sneaky, and slick and took all that anger out on me. He would often tell me this to my face that I was nothing but a sneaky snake. He also talked to me like I was a child and one of our children. I couldn't understand how someone who'd claim to love you would treat you so badly. I tried to get him to see that all women were not like that and vowed to stay with him as I was raised "Till death do us part" in a marriage. I wanted both of my hebrew(black) children to have both their mother and father around to raise them just as I had. I wanted them to grow up to be strong healthy adults. Even though I tried to get him to see this about his misunderstanding, I began to see that it was not going to change the way he thought. I had to be careful how I looked at people, he would accuse me of looking at a man sexually - even women! Can you believe that! Women you know we sometimes be checking out other womens clothing, hairstyles, and shoes thinking that's cute. Nothing sexual! But to him just a glance in anyone's direction meant it was some type of sexual thought. There was this one car that pulled up alongside us one day, I was in the passenger's seat. They had their radio on loud and I sort of glanced to the right. He pulled the car over. And do you know he went into a tyrate at me, tugged at me and ripped my clothes and wanted to know who I was looking at in that car? I can't tell you how many times he would do this. He would even on occasions, when I went to work in the evenings, sit outside my job and watched me inside as I worked. I mostly worked for retail stores so you could see through the glass from outside to inside the store. I tried going to my family for help but began to see that people tend to look at you like you are the problem and reason for someone's uncalled abusive actions upon you. Why is it that people do that? I never could understand that. But thats how my family treated me when I came to them looking for help. My mother had remarried and was focused on her new husband who was recently in the military and adjusting to some of its after affects. My father was remarried and going through some problems with his new wife. I went to my aunt - she was on welfare and could not accommodate me plus like I said they give you the speech and assumption as if you are the reason for the abuse. I tell you we hebrews have been so conditioned to thinking we deserve the things that come our way, accept it, and make excuses for it. So I was forced to stay with him a little longer and came to the realization that I was actually alone in this world - besides me and my children. The hebrew family today has no understanding of what family is and what true unity is.
I began to plan how I would leave. I had to be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of my children. I decided that the abuse he had would begin and end with him and not continue on in my son. Nor in my daughter later being attracted to an abusive man's characteristics and not understand why because of the behavior of her father. The cycle would end with their father. I kept allot of this verbal abuse towards me away from my children. But sometimes I know they could hear us arguing behind closed doors and on several occasions he would try to embarrass me in front of our kids and be disrespectful to me in front of them. I had stopped going to college when I was married after I had my son. I worked part- time jobs often, babysitted, and stayed at home with both of my children until they each started school. My son had already started school so I put my daughter in Head Start and began going back to school while she was there and changed my major to Accounting. I landed my first entry accounting job and stayed with this employer to gain the experience I needed to have a good employment background. I planned that after five years of employment with this job, I would divorce and leave my husband. I also built up quite a bit of credit during this five year period. When you are in an abusive relationship, you have to plan very careful on how you are going to leave and not let that person find out your whereabouts. Well during this five year period he was going to start to begin his down sizing and belittling on our son. You know the kind of attitude - "You're not going to amount to anything" motto. And also he took things my son did way overboard on what a normal child does and the way to discipline them while they are growing up. He had gotten an object he was going to whip my child with that would definitely hurt him and what he was going to whip him for was something that made no sense whatsoever. When he raised his hand with that object, I stopped him in his track and told him he had to go through me first. At this time I was bigger than my normal size of 110 lbs, I was more like 165 lbs after the weight gain and loss from having my children, but I was a healthy fit woman. To him, I was overweight anyway. He looked at me and knew I meant business. His anger seemed to grow more and more and I couldn't understand why. Upon the fifth year of me being at this job, he came home one day, accused me of something like he always did and attempted to raise his hand to me. I made up my mind that this was going to be the last time for me that he would raise his hand to strike me. So I once again stopped him and told him I would lay him out on the floor if he tried to hit me. He swung, I reacted and gave a real good punch. He was shocked. Actually I didn't realize I had a real mean swing! He backed off and was nothing said after that. During the next week I gathered boxes, brought them home, put them in my children's closet, discussed it with them on how we were going to move and do it. My kids even though they were young, understood and were ready to be away from this anger. I rented a house and planned for a moving truck to come and for us to move while he was at work. He went to work, the movers showed up, and I removed everything that only belonged to me and the children and left. I stayed in this marriage for 14 years through all of this abuse, but it came a time for me to make a decision for myself and for my children's future. Sadly to say, a decision without the support from my biological family outside of my husband. If I had family that supported me and each other, I would not of endured such abuse as I did.
I had to quit my accounting job I had so that he would not be able to find or follow me, or become in any confrontations face to face with him at my job. I found new employment with Walmart in the Cash Accounting back Office. The wage wasn't as much as the wage I had with the job I recently quit, so things were a little tight. Buying things like an iron for $6.00 or shoes for the kids if they wore them out during my first year was a struggle in itself. But I always put my trust and faith in the father and he always provided for me. When one door closed, another would open. Father Yah was always there for me. I was blessed with the job I currently have now. I went working evenings part-time for Walmart on a couple of days of the week and worked full time doing Accounting for the company I still work for now 9 years later. I had to work these two jobs for a couple of years in order to support me and my children. After a couple of years with the job I have now they upped my waged in consideration to make up for the part-time job I was working, so I was able to eventually quit Walmart and no longer work two jobs. During this time the divorce was finalized, but it had already started its process a couple of years before I left my husband, but he was stubborn and never finalized it. I had asked him years earlier to file for a divorce because I couldn't afford to pay for it. So the only child on the divorce was our son, our daughter wasn't. The amount of child support was never stated on the decree but after I left him, he realized I was a stronger woman than he realized, so I had no conflict on him paying me child support every month without no questions asked or court appointed payments. He continued paying me child support up until my last child left home,my daughter, who began college this past Fall of 2007, and stays in a dorm on campus. I left it up to my children to see him whenever they wanted to after I left. It was their decision alone. I never forced anything on them. I looked at it this way, It was up to him to build his relationship and communication with his children based on the mistakes and actions he made with them and me. When they did want to see him, I would take them to see him, but would stress to them to tell me if he ever acted inappropriately towards them while they were there. He never did. He would send the child support payment checks back with the kids when they visited. I never again allowed myself to be in his presence.
During the year after I left my ex-husband, things began to hit me and I realized just how much all that abuse had affected me. I did realize it but I was sitting in a sort of position with my head down all the time. Thats a position that people who have been abused sit in. I was careful how I looked at people because I was used to doing that while I was married. I would not talk allot to people unless I was spoken to. I was careful what I said to people. I didn't realize all of this until my sister came to visit me and looked at me and noticed my behavior and asked me why I was sitting the way I was. It was like a slump forward position with my arms around myself - sort of like creating a protection shell. Then it all hit me at once. When you are deliberately kept away from people, from being in normal social environments, you are never aware of any behaviors in yourself that are not right. I started to realize I had developed some type of learned survival behavior. I started to struggle with myself from within. I began to feel like this man had ripped down into my very essence, my soul, my womanhood, my femininity, and pulled it out. I wanted to get that back. I would ponder and wonder what type of woman I would be if this man never crossed my path. I later found out during my search from psychologists, that these are the same questions many people of abuse ask in which so did I. These are the questions: "How can I get back what this person has taken from me?" "How can I go back to being the person I was before I met this person and before they came into my life?" "What type of person would I be today if they never came into my life?" You know what - you will never be the same person. You are forever changed by those experiences. So I began on my search for my answers and on more understanding of the reasons why I was behaving the way I was. A search also for on how I could deal with these affects upon myself. Do you know this world does not hold those answers? I will explain to you in the upcoming paragraphs where I also searched for my answers and the reason why. The moment you look for your answers to anything other than the father, you are not going to find them. THIS IS WHERE MY SPIRITUAL WAREFARE BEGAN. You see the search for self is a spiritual search.
Don't get any misunderstandings, I did have several successful relationships over this course of my search. I was no spring chicken when It came to men and relationships. So I know I had no problem in that area and never did or will. They just ended for one reason or another based on things going on in their life, their children, etc. Some of them I ended because during my search sometimes I felt it wasn't fair to them for me to be with them with the things I was going through with myself. You have to always give 100% of yourself to that other half. I also know now how to spot any characteristics in a man who would or could be abusive. Certain actions or words said to me, I immediately know. I also got to know all of these men over a period of time as friends first before I had relationships with them.
Well I did my searching in Dallas Texas and found a psychologist. At the same time I got an apartment in Arlington and was trying to move up there in the process. I still worked and lived in the city I reside in now and also lived in Arlington. I only went up there when I had job interviews and my psychology visits. I tried to set up both appointments on the same day. I got a small apartment in Arlington because by the time I added up my motel expenses over a course of a month - I might as well just rent me a place. That way when I did find a job I would already have me a place to stay. Plus I wanted to get as far away from the city where the man lived that brought so much pain to my heart and my very essence as a woman. I felt that it would be a new beginning for me and that would help me to put that memory out of my mind. Well this psychologist I started going to would ask me things like was I molested as a child. Did my parents or parent beat me. I could not figure out what that had to do with me being with a man I married who was the abuser. I had some mishaps in my teenager years, but my childhood was a happy and normal one. So I told her that and she didn't know what to say. I kept telling her that I was there to learn how to deal with the behaviors I acquired and to get rid of them. She did not have any answers for me in that area. Believe it? Then since she couldn't give me those answers she started saying I looked depressed and wanted to start giving me some high depressant drugs. Also since I didn't fit any of those categories she started to think I was lying to her and asking if I was a person who lied and made up allot of stuff - you know like I was some type of pathological liar ! This was about the third visit and I told her I would no longer be coming to see her anymore. I then found a womens counseling group in Dallas and began going to that. I wanted to interact with other women of abuse to see if they felt the same way that I did. Also to see how they were dealing with the way they felt as women and their emotions. Boy the stories that I heard from these women! I thought I was in pain - it was nothing compared to what some people have gone through in this world. Alot of these women were molested as children by their fathers, mother's live in boyfriends,cousins, brothers, etc. Some of these were also young girls who moved out the house where their mother still had the abuser, but these young girls had children and they were taken away from them because they had to resort back to the place where this molester resided in order for them and their children to survive. Other instances was a woman found out her husband or boyfriend were molesting their child and didn't know it - so their children were temporarily being taken from them while they went to counseling. As if they had the inability to be a good mother and parent. Really so sad. When it came round for me to tell my story about my husband and why I was there, they all was like "Thats all?" The counselor even started questioning me when I told her I kept allot of my abuse during my marriage out of my children's sight. She thought I was lying. She started questioning and asking me on how my kids were behaving...etc. I about lost it with that woman. There was a hebrew woman there also during the counsel sessions who was going to school to be a therapist, I told her I would not speak to that counselor ever again. Anything she had to say, she would have to say it to the hebrew woman and then she would tell me. I eventually started having one on one sessions with this hebrew woman instead. I asked this hebrew woman the same thing. She also couldn't answer my question on dealing with my pain and how to change some of the habital behaviors I had gotten from my abusive relationship with my ex-husband. I made up my mind to cease going to them also.
You know I always wondered why people in this world treat and abuse each other as they do. Perhaps this was the reason for my search on finding answers to the pain I carried from this world. I always looked at how families were broken down and there was no real unity in most of them. Just like my family. I now often ask my mother that - "Why aren't we unified as we should be?" "Why don't our families support each other like they are suppose to be doing?" After about 8 years and out of touch with my mother, I told her about what struggles I was having and told her I realized our family didn't have much unity and we didn't support each other as we should be doing. She just kind of shrugged it off and said - there is more unity than you know. But she was just saying that and I know she is in denial. I am currently staying with her trying to help her out emotionally and financially. Her husband died about 7 months ago. You know what? Funny thing is that when I found out he was dying, I did not hesitate to offer my help to my mother. Did I get that from my family during my struggles with my husband? No. I know Father Yah has me here for a reason to see and learn many things besides growing in strength to the opposition of our so-called biological families against our truth for how the father wants us to be and his purpose for us. I have looked back to see that for some reason I have always been Set-Apart from this world. The father just stepped aside for a moment to teach me a serious lesson. What lesson is that you may ask? Well after my divorce from my husband and the pain and struggles within myself that I made - Did I ever once say I prayed to Father Yah to heal me from my pain and the answers I needed? NOPE. As you continue reading my life story, I will tell you where else I began to search for my answers. When you do not put your trust and faith in Father Yah for all things - including healing the pains that we carry, this will give way for the adversary to come into your life. For me it was with demons and spirits and the usage of them through people.
After I stopped going to the womens counseling group and found no real answers. I started feeling down. I began to believe that since I couldn't find any answers, that I must be cursed or something. I thought maybe somebody put a curse on me. Maybe that was the reason for my habital behaviors and the things that happened to me in my marriage. There was this psychic I knew for a couple of years on pal talk. He would sometimes open a room and do readings or I would sometimes call him. He had me make this pyramid and put on it all kinds of things that I wanted to happen. I also told him I felt like I was cursed and that if I was, there was nothing I did to no one to deserve such a cursing. He also gave me some words to say and told me to walk around this pyramid and say these words. But you know what - he also claimed to be a psychic of a righteous nature. Yeah Right! Because within a couple of months when I started doing what he told me to do - I started noticing things going on in my apartment. All my appliances would stop working in their tracks. I can't tell you how many times I would replace my appliances within a month's time. Things like a microwave, iron, crockpot, vacuum cleaner - basically anything electrical. Things would disappear one day than reappear the next. My dog would start acting crazy and poop all over the place like he was frightened of something. He was house potty trained also. I eventually had to get rid of him because he became too uncontrollable. This was a german shepard also. I had disciplined and trained this dog since he was a pup. I also have the gift with animals that my grandmother had, so I new something was not right with him and he was frightened. The place would feel cold and hot at times and I would sense this presence I couldn't explain. I also knew this sontaria woman on pal talk from music pal talk radio shows we used to do. She told me to buy a certain type of perfume from one of those catholic stores and cleanse my house with it. See I thought I was fighting fire with fire! I figured I had to fight it on its on grounds and use the same means to get rid of this spirit. After I used this perfume to cleanse my house, I woke up during the night to a voice speaking to me in my ear. More like a whisper. When I opened my eyes, there was these two eyes in the dark looking right at my face. It immediately turned and lifted up, and poof it was gone. I wasn't startled just pondering on what I just saw. She also told me to buy some crosses and have them blessed by a catholic priest. So I bought several crosses, had them blessed, and placed one everywhere I could think of. I placed one inside the front door of my home, in the upper frame for anyone who entered my home. Another around the front rear view mirror of my car, and the other I wore. I figured I would be protected wherever I walked and placed my feet. I felt like my problems were over. That I had released this spirit or ghost that was bringing this curse upon me. Little did I know and recently learned in a lesson in one of our Israelite Heritage rooms, that when one is dismissed, it comes back with a legion more. I know this to be true because I started to see more happenings outside of my apartment, but this was more than one spirit / demon at work. I felt stronger presences wherever I went. These spirits began working through people instead. At first what I was seeing, I thought I was going crazy. But I knew myself and came to the conclusion there was something I was seeing that other people were not aware of and could not see. Whenever I went somewhere, people would stare at me. I would look at myself in the mirror wondering, do I have something out of place? I felt like it was this "aura" surrounding me. But it wasn't. It was these demons / spirits working through other people to create such an atmosphere. I had instances when people would say things to me, call me names - people I didn't even know! But I would feel this presence amongst them.. .that sense of "aura". I would look at these people and they didn't look right to me. I have later learned also that spirits / demons can also take on human forms. These spirits would also use people to try to run me off the road! Believe it? I would be driving down the street and there would be a car that would deliberately swerve in my lane coming in the opposite direction! I would look at the person driving and they didn't look right to me - I also felt that sense of something being there. Not too long after that I discovered a pentagram designed carved into the front end of my car and to this day don't have any idea who or what put it there. Now these demons / spirits would become more vicious with these attacks. So I began to learn each one. I became keen to them you could say. I figured I would stay one step ahead of them. I always told myself - "Stupid is as Stupid does". And I considered them to be stupid because I was learning all about them. When I sensed they were around wherever I was going, I would ignore them or keep myself away from this person who was carrying it. I began to be able to sense them at various distances. I have now learned since being in this walk, that demons/spirits work through those who are not grounded in the father's laws and words and or doing something not of him in their lives. This leaves way for the spirit to enter their body. Well as you read this, you know that this is correct based on how they attempted to and attacked me through people.
There are several main demons / spirits that work in this world. They are confusion, delusion,deceit, anger,and the one that I encountered that tried to bring me down because I had learned to discern the rest was : The spirit of sexual confusion and perversion. This is the most foulest spirit of them all. An abomination ! I hate this spirit with a vengeance ! As I explained to you previously. That it felt like my ex-husband had ripped my very essence and femininity from me and that I was carrying that pain and searching for answers to heal it and resolve it. Well this spirit tried to make it seem like there was something wrong with me. Well, like I just explained to you how they jump from person to person and use people - well it did. But with this spirit, someone has to already be around possessing this spirit in order for it to surface or bring it about through its attack towards me through words of a wicked person whose heart wasn't right anyway - bringing about that atmosphere amongst the people around me. It knew somehow that this would hit me right into my very essence, character, and being. It attacked me the same as it did the others. Through creating an atmosphere of "aura" and also through verbal words from others. I tried to ignore this one for the longest, but this one had a vengeance. Its goal was to destroy me and bring me to my feet. I had one more thing I resorted to I thought that would get rid of these demon / spirits tormenting me and attacking me. This is not something psychological to those who may think it was or is. I know who I am sexually as a straight woman. I was not a popular person either. My schedule and routine consisted of taking my kids to school, going to work, then home, and night college when I was attending school for two years to get my degree in Accounting. Prior to that I worked two jobs. And at both my jobs I work in an environment where I work alone unsupervised. There was no time for me to be Ms popularity in case someone reading this questions that. Because of my marriage I was a quiet keep to myself person and still am to this day. There was this so-called spiritual catholic healer who comes to our city yearly. I meant to go to him the previous year but I was going to school at night and couldn't go. Well he came again and I found out his schedule for his visit to my city. I went to see him, stood in line and he touched me while he was holding this big cross. I immediately felt this energy like I have never felt and my knees collapsed and I hit the floor. I layed there for about 5 to 10 minutes not being able to move. I felt this energy go to the pit of my stomach. After the mass here at this church I went home and decided I would come back again to see him a second time while he was in our city at another location just to make sure this so called curse was lifted from upon me and these demons/spirits would be gone. You know during both times I went to see this man there were two people, a man and woman sitting in the front seat of the rows inside both these churches, the same people. Actually I don't know if anyone else could see them but me. But the whole time they were sitting there just looking and smiling at me and I found it kind of strange and weird. I had researched on the internet during this 7 year period on these demons / spirits that were attacking me, on spirits and found that the spirits that stay with you and follow you are "familiar" spirits. So on my second visit I told them that I needed to get rid of these familiar spirits around me. Do you know these people looked at me crazy like they didn't know what I was saying? Here this man is suppose to be a healer and not know about familiar spirits, let alone demons. Anyway, I stood in line, he got to me again and touched me. Again my knees hit the floor and I felt this powerful energy go through my body. I went home and believed to myself that everything was going to be ok and these demons / spirits and curse will be gone. This all happened about 3 months before I was awakened to the truth about who I am. To continue on as I am going to say again - "Did I look to the father for my answers just as I did when I was a teenager?" Nope. I hope you are learning something from my life story and also the lesson I learned myself.
To continue on, I began to sense about a month later these demons / spirits, but they were stronger than ever. More like a massive heavy burden. Later I learned when I came into this walk and learned of the messiahs true name, that no man can heal you in the name of "Jesus" anyway. And this so-called catholic healer had to be carrying a powerful demon/spirit with him. Well with this heavy burden, I began to just walk countlessly around my house talking to myself saying things like this : "There must be a reason why these demons / spirits are attacking and bothering me", " There must be something about myself that I need to know." And also I would say:" I'm going to find it !" (the answer). I would do this alot when I got home and when I was off. I mean I would stomp my walls, and stomp my feet, thats how much of a burden that I was carrying. So one day while I was driving home coming from work, I helplessly called out to the father :
"Father why are all these demons and spirits bothering me?" "Please Tell me the answer." "I'm getting very tired of this father." The next day it was Saturday. I logged onto paltalk as I usually did, but something for some reason told me to click on the room "Yah and Yahoshua are Real" room. I have seen the room on the listing before, but never gave it much thought. I clicked on it, went in, and in the banner it had a title that said " Lesson for today Demonic Possession - Are Demons and Spirits Real - Starting at 12:30 cst" ( It said something like that). I looked at the time. It was earlier than the lesson time to start so I clicked out the room and would come back when it started. I came back, listened to the lesson, and I was astonished and amazed that other people knew that demons and spirits existed ! The lesson also gave the reason why demons attack you - so I learned a little bit of what I needed to know. Some of my burden lifted off of me. Then someone put the hebrewisraelites.org link in the room for me to check out. I wrote it down and logged off. I went to the site and found out all I needed to know! This was what these demons and spirits were trying to keep me from knowing! Who I am, and Who the true father and messiah's name is. I found out that I am an Israelite. A set-apart one at that! My burden was completely lifted from me. I read that information on the site everyday for one week straight. I thank Father Yah everyday for guiding me to Obadiyah with this word. I truly know that he is my teacher.
I am now under Father Yah's protection but that does not mean that the adversary will try to use his demons and spirits to attack me. I have to always be watchful. Let me tell all of you who are reading this what this message of my life is. ALWAYS KEEP YOUR TRUST AND FAITH IN FATHER YAH FOR ALL THINGS. ALWAYS CALL UPON HIM IN TIMES OF TROUBLE AND HE WILL TAKE YOU THROUGH THE STORM AND PROVIDE FOR YOU. When you don't and you step away from him, you give room for the adversary to step in and take over. I stepped away from him and he allowed the adversary to come in to teach me a lesson. I looked for the answers in all the wrong places. You cannot look to man for your answers. But you know even though he stepped away to teach me a lesson, he also gave me a gift in return - THE GIFT OF SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT. I guess you could say he knew my heart and my effort to find out my true purpose. Here is another message. FATHER YAH HAS ALWAYS BEEN HERE WAITING ON YOU TO FIND HIM. He is just watching you as you stumble and fall and waiting for you to realize that. I also know that Father Yah works on his own time. He knows when you are ready to be awakened to his word and to his spirit. You see he awakened me when my last child left the house. Now I have time to pray, learn his word (torah and laws), and to do the works of Father Yah.
I still carry some of the pain and memory from what happened in my marriage. The pain and feeling of that person trying to rip down into my very essence and take that from me. I believe Father Yah is keeping it there to keep me humble. It keeps me humble to him and to others. But I will wait on Father Yah to remove that pain from me and cleanse me (make me the complete person he wants me to be) on his time. I will never turn away from the Father and his word. I do not judge anyone or question their footsteps in their life before they were awakened to father yah and his word. Everyone has different experiences in their life - some have no control of what happens to them, or may be the victim of, or at the feet of someone else's actions. Judge ye not unless you judge thyself. Don't be quick to throw a rock at someone - more than the one you threw may return back at you. If you ever see me a little down - Its just because something is within our mist. But I can handle it - I will be ok. The father's spirit does not speak to me in dreams like he does to some of you. He comes to me while I am awake. Let me give you some truth to this. As some of you know some of the recent events that have happened in the body of Yah, the organization, and the children of ysrayl - this is what he told me about five months ago. He will only tell me things that are a true warning to the children of ysrayl. I gave this message to someone also to be prepared for this. It is as follows:
1. There will be attacks to us as an organization and personally and individually by the adversary.
The attacks will become worser as the months go by.
2. There will be one with great animosity and anger - He will be someone you trust and
all will be astonished on who he is. He will fool everyone.
3. There will be a winging (cleansing) of those who will endure amongst us.
4. After this we will grow and will be able to do our work.
Always keep your eyes and heart open to hear Father Yah when he is speaking to you. You must also pray and keep in one on one communication with him. He gives all of us a gift - be sure to use it for the purpose he has given it to you for.
I may marry again but there is one thing about the man that I will marry and who will be my last permanent husband. He will be of who Father Yah knows is right for me - not what he wants or just the idea of and being married or just to say you're married and have a wife - but what Father Yah knows who is right for me and what I need because he knows that I deserve this. I will not settle for anything lesser than who father yah knows is right for me. If your basis for marriage is any of those or your approach to me is not of what father yah knows we both need and only of your own fleshly needs - then that marriage with me will not stand nor last. Please put aside your old ways that you used to have in approaching women before you came into this walk. You will approach me as a respectable Israelite Woman of Yah. Our union must be on the spiritual level and we must grow with one another. He must get to know me and I get to know him as friends over a good period of time. He must be my best friend - my better half - that I will be able to talk to him about anything. He must also be my teacher and be able to answer any questions that I may have in regards to the father's words and applying it in my and our lives, or bringing his word to and teaching others. He must be a strong man of Yah with Father Yah's spirit upon him. He must be strong in his standing as the head of the household on all things and the one to make the final decision on things we have discussed. Last and foremost of all - we must love each other from with inward outward. You see through all of the ordeals in my life, I have learned that I am a beautiful woman from inwards first. And I will never ever again allow anyone to abuse me or to think lowly of me ever. I was married to a abuser for 14 years so I am familiar with the signs and actions of a potential abuser. It took me a while to get to this point and I will not let anyone take that strength or confidence away from me.
I pray that you have learned something from my testimony and life story - because it will bring to you a very important message. Always look to Father Yah for guidance on all things that you do. If you are ailing and have pain in your heart, ask father yah to heal that and remove that from you. Have patience and remember he hears you, just wait on him and he will come through and be there for you. Always strive to be the person Father Yah always wanted you to be. Thank you Father Yah for opening my eyes to you and the purpose you have for me!