Today I was in my prayer group and while standing in a circle of co-workers, (some known and some unknown) I broke down. We were going around the circle saying one thing that we were thankful to Yah for and when turn came....I just couldn't stop thanking Him. I thanked him for peace, grace, mercy, favor, my babies, and a job to go to; and finally after being homeless for the past month, I thanked him for my own place.

Can I share my story with you? Not for sympathy or pity, but because I just feel the need to share my story and my faith in Yah with you in hopes that it will brighten that light in your spirit.

Everyone go through hard times in life and I believe no matter how hard we try to plan ahead, cover every avenue, and setback for the “what if's” in life, we should never say, "It wont happen to me." It just may!!

When I left my kids father back in December of 07 and moved to Houston, it was the beginning of a New Life for me. The marriage of 8 years had failed and it was my second failed marriage. I was down and out at first but once I touched ground in H-Town, I immediately started looking for the brighter side of things. I was hooking back up with my best friend of 16 years, I already had my eye on this great job and this was going to be the beginning of the rest of my life. I was determined to be happy and at peace with my situation. I had my 2 youngest kids with me and we were going to be alright. I had already put that in my spirit and out to the universe so there was nothing to worry about ....right?

Yeah...that's how I lived my life. Positive thoughts and positive energy equals positive results. That's ALL that I was expecting; POSITIVE. Well it was all positive in the beginning. I was having a wonderful time. I got the job I was seeking, my best friend and I were getting our relationship back on track to how it used to be, my kids were happy, and I was dating this nice guy! It was good; then out the blue....the negative creped in. My best friend and I fell out, the guy I was dating was changing on me, I found my own place but the water was not on by the time I moved in and I had no transportation. So now I’m thinking to myself...what the hell just happened. How are things going so wrong? I mean it was more in-depth then what I’m typing on this paper....it was heavy! Let me see if I can better explain: When my best friend and I fell out, she kicked me and my kids out her home. At 9pm, I, my 9yr old and 2 yr old were walking up the street about 30 minutes to my place lugging 5 bags. (1 big suitcase, 1 small suitcase, 1 duffle bag, 2 smaller bags) I get to my place and the water is not on. I have lights...but no water. The next morning, (and every morning after that for about 3 months) my kids and I got up at 4am to leave the house at 5:15am, walk 45 minutes to the daycare and get there by 6am. From there I had to run to the bus stop to make the 6:20am bus to make it to work by 7:45am, go in the bathroom, freshen up and clock in by 8am. In the evening it was pretty much the same...just in reverse! It was hell for me....but by Yahs grace and mercy...I made it through.

Ok so fast forward.....I eventually got my own transportation, got my water on, was paying my bills and was officially single! I signed up to be my daughter's Girl Scout troop leader, started school and was at peace! I was back on track and happy. POSITIVE results were at play and I was content.....for the time.

September 2008 was the beginning of my break down! I was up to date on my car note and rent and here comes Hurricane Ike. I have NEVER been in a hurricane and I had no idea what to expect. So I started to expect the positive. (Man was I off)After the hurricane, I was out of lights for about 2 weeks, I was out of work for about a week and the kids were out of school for about a week. I had to replace ALL my food. A week before Ike hit I had just gone grocery shopping: $200.00 worth of food that I had to throw away. I was in tears, yall. Because I missed a weeks of work, my check was a week short of money. I eventually fell behind in rent, my car note and some other bills that I had. I was really really beat down. Christmas rolled around (When I thought it ok to celebrate it) and had it not been for my mother and the kids other grandparents, my kids would not have had any gifts to open. I already felt as if I had failed my kids. And then Feb 1, 2009 I found myself having to move out my place and into a homeless shelter. I was homeless with 2 small kids. I didn't know how to handle this situation at all. I remember walking in the shelter and running to the bathroom and breaking down. I was devastated. How could I look my kids in the face? How could I call myself a good mommy? How could I even think about mentoring young girls in crisis? I could not even keep a roof over my kid's heads. Although I was beating myself up inside, my kids father found the love and compassion (being sarcastic) that he swore he carried for me to beat me down even further. He told me I was a bad example for a mother, he said that I left him just to move to Houston to become homeless.....yeah....he said some horrible things to me. He wanted to take my kids from me. I was at my lowest....I had no one to turn to or talk to. My best friend, the one who promised to have my back till the end, was gone. I had no one to turn to for comfort. I had no one! What was I supposed to do and how was I supposed to handle this!?


It's funny how when you are going through something bad, you tend to think back over your life and pin point all the negative things that you endured. I recall sitting in my car outside the daycare and just going over my life. I remembered.......I remembered the fighting between mom and Joe. I remembered our house burning down and losing everything but the clothes on our backs. I remembered how I felt when I found out it was planned. I remembered the teasing from the other kids in school because of it. I remembered the 6 years of sexual and mental abuse from Joe. I remembered the attempts of penetration. I remembered him taking me out my room at night to touch me. I remembered my mom blaming me for the abuse. I remembered my real dad never being there for me...never protecting me. I remembered the rape in the 9th grade. I remembered the abortion in the 10th grade. I remembered my oldest brother moving out and feeling as if he turned his back on me. I remembered being in the foster homes in the 11th grade. I remembered being pregnant in the 12th grade and not graduating with my class. I remembered my first failed marriage and then my second. I remembered the hurt and pain I felt over my life. I remembered the suicide attempts. I remembered the self mutilation to release my pain. I remembered wanting to be loved and appreciated and cared for. I remembered the many many tears I cried. And as I sat in that car.....broke, homeless, depressed, and discouraged......I remembered that through all that I have been through Yah has been right there by my side waiting on me to reach out to Him.


Ok so here I was...homeless! Now what? Well I got myself into this mess, and I had no choice but to get out. Giving up was not an option for me. I had to learn to depend on Yah. It's not easy...it's not an overnight process. But I noticed that if I take one small baby step, Yah will take 2 HUGE steps.

So as of March 1, 2009....I am no longer homeless. Yah has blessed me to be able to get into my own place. I trusted Him just a little and he showed me just how he is there for those who trust Him. Last night as I was re-arranging MY living room, I was thinking; I didn't belong in a shelter with my kids.....did I? Let me answer that question....at that particular time in my life...YES I did! I was right where Yah needed me to be. How can I mentor to young girls...unless I have walked in their shoes? Today, young people want to hear that you have been where they are in your life. They could care less about how much paper (money) you have behind your name. To really and truly touch lives.....you have to have walked their walk. You have to be able to relate.

I have been through a lot in my 31 years. And I have to say that what I’ve been through has been a blessing of sorts. I have emerged stronger, wiser, and healthier mentally and physically and more spiritually sound. I have learned to love me in spite of my circumstances and to not allow people to define me. I have always thanked Yah for bringing me through and keeping me sane. Now I am learning to fully trust him. I am learning to fully cast my cares on Him and to leave them right there. This journey will be exciting and one to talk about.

As of today, I am single, raising my kids, and climbing back to the top. I’m not perfect but I’m in love with me and I’m ok with my life...the Positives and the Negatives.


Thanks for reading my story and some how, I hope it blessed your soul.